Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Top Seven Signs You Have Writer's Block

Hello again my beloved fans and avid readers alike... recently I've noticed that I hadn't really followed up on that idea of constantly adding to the reader's digestive tract of lighthearted comedy novelty writing by continuing to post blog entries that included the Top Seven List Tags that were introduced a little while ago. So sorry about that, my fellow prisoners... but it appears as though I've been suffering from a heavy case of writer's block, and well--- enough said! Let's leave it at that. So in an effort to keep this blog concept of mine going, and prevent it from being left unattended with blog entries dating back to the stone age and all, I think I'll give it another go, all right? So here is the:

TOP SEVEN SIGNS YOU HAVE WRITER'S BLOCK

7) You keep telling yourself that one day you'll be most remembered by you're highly anticipated follow up to your one and only literary offering, which was possibly just a three lined dedication to someone up on a website somewhere, most likely a guestbook entry! No wonder writers haven't got any friends!

6) Your ego's currently obsessed with the fact that you must publish that manuscript that's been boiling in your head ever since childhood, and yet you never get around to writing it because you just don't have any free time! Excuses... excuses! HA!

5) In an effort to try and jump start and get yer' literary creative juices flowing again, you resort to watching your favorite movies, reading the books that have the most profound affect on your writing style, or any other activity that spurs your creativity over and over again to no avail and wind up playing your favorite video games (even if you already beat them) until you've developed some sort of acute short term memory loss, and realize... damn, where was I again?

4) You try and try, but just can't get past writing the perfect draft in the dedications portion (or general acknowledgments section) of that book you've been planning on publishing for well over eight years now. Somehow, the line I would like to thank God for the gift I inherited as a writer doesn't seem to strike the right chord with the publishers, for this holy deity most likely has a consortium of lawyers out there, all gunning for you; demanding some sort of royalties for every original copy sold, just because you had the brilliant idea of using His glorious name in your book. And to that I say: "GODDAMN IT ALL TO HELL ALREADY!"

3.) During the brainstorming portion of laying out your proposed work of literature, your outline turns into a likely candidate for an index section for any garden variety Encyclopedia Britannica volume out there.

2) You try, try, and try again but just can't get anything worthwhile, or seemingly even worthy of being remembered and commented on upon by a group of readers out there. Kind of reminds me of this dreaded blog post. Did someone say desperation writing? Anyone? Anyone at all?

1) You're currently engaging in the writing, revising, rewriting, last minute tweaking, double checking, proofreading, omissions, edits, reedits, and finalized proof session for a blog piece about... you guessed it! The top seven signs that you have writer's block! Need I say more?!?

This has been P.S. Elliott (or the artist formerly known as Dr. Gonzo XXVII) reporting for the disassociated press, that is... The Gnoyze Guitar Mods & More Web Blog.

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