Friday, December 4, 2015

Another Star Wars: The Force Awakens Trailer?!?

Hello again my fellow rebel scum, I mean, er... my fellow Padawans. It looks like today will be a day long remembered... a day when millions of nerdgasms will be crying out for trailers--- and will then be suddenly silenced; 'til they all turn to one another and go: "Holy shazbot! I can't wait to see that, yo!" I feel the worst has happened when the evil Empire (er... wonderful folks at Disney) has made its latest (AKA: Lucasfilm) its new bitch. If you're reading this, then you probably know by now that there is indeed yet another Star Wars film in the making, and it's due to hit theaters this year of our Lord (Vader), 18th of December, which is just around the corner.

And if you're like me (which I honestly hope you're not!) then you probably can't get enough of anything remotely sci-fi related. And when that specific genre falls into anything to do with a new release of the zillion dollar franchise of a space opera known throughout the world as none other than Star Wars... you can bet your schweet ass that I'm going to get giddy enough to have a nerdgasm at the mere sight of a trailer (or two) released months (that feel like years, no... maybe decades) apart. But then, that all came to an end with the multitude of new TV spots and special inside looks and all. So by now, you've probably gotten pretty saturated in as far as plot details and sneak peeks can go.

Normally, we could've been treated to the May the 4th (as in... May the force be with you) release by now, but unfortunately, the powers that be said this is not the film gross we're looking for and so they took George's baby and made it Disney's latest bitch; in the long run of successive acquisitions (i.e. Muppets, Marvel, etc.) that will one day prove to be a shared topic of debate amongst all the park going enthusiasts once they start demanding an arm and a leg, just to have your arm cut off by Vader at one of their quaint little theme parks. Of course, let me stop my rant dead in its tracks before I keep going and demand the head of Walt Disney... or Mickey Mouse for that matter; for ruining my childhood by buying it off Lucas' cold dead hands for a song and dance. And then, subsequently, repackaging it for the likes of all of us brain dead consumers out there who will stop at nothing to own at least a thousand copies of the same film on every single format (i.e. DVD, Hi Def, Blu Ray, VHS, Betamax, etc.) on every variation/packaged set out there (i.e. Steelbook, Limited Edition, Special Edition, 3D Edition, Fuck You Edition) all for the sake of bragging rights! Just something to remember next time you get your asses audited by the IRS and proclaim that companies like Disney are just too big to fail.

And we, being the eager fans that we are, will always keep our eyes peeled for any and all international trailers being released just to see if we can spot slight variations that will include new scenes, footage, etc. That is... until the freakin' thing gets released, and we'll be complaining about any minute fault that we can find in it. Personally, I've already lost count of just how many trailers there are out there. So I decided to compile together a playlist for my readers, but I still get the feeling that it's not complete and I may be missing one or two... either way, it's something to visually gorge upon. So take a look, and enjoy!

This only goes to prove that you can't really trust marketing when the industry puts out a statement like there will be no more trailers, but still releases a steady drip of TV spots here and there right before opening day. Some people even prefer not to see any of these new marketing clips for fear that it might spoil the entire Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens movie for them. But I digress, I'm not here to blast the business as usual modus operandi of this capitalist society of ours... I just think that at this level, J.J. Abrams has been tasked with the deliverance of something that can only be describe as pure gold. And failure to do so will probably cause a real rebel uprising from the likes of cosplaying geeks and open carrying lightsaber enthusiasts that are going to treat him with the same respect that they've given Jar Jar Binks.

And judging from the marketing ploys (or should I say cultural escapades?) involved with releasing a full length trailer during Monday Night Football... yes, you heard that right folks! I couldn't believe it either. In fact, my head is still reeling from this bit of news. Okay, now that I've fully regained my composure/faculties, I just want to say... What the flyin' fuck, Disney?!? Have you all lost your collective corporate minds?!? If there's one thing you don't do is mix is anything from the nerg genre with jocks and their sports! All this just reeks of typical career executive mentality, if you ask me! Most of us diehard fans are still recovering from the fact that the tradition of a May the 4th release date no longer holds any meaning in the Sithey Mouse culture. But maybe, just maybe... the emperor was right. Maybe I am mistaken about a great many things!

On the one hand, you get a bunch of testosterone, muscle bound, roided out freaks huddled together around a big screen that's situated in the general living room area; mostly populated by their good drinking buddies (or the friends that their wives don't necessarily want around) just a'rootin' for their number one draft picks (be they real, or on the latest unregulated gambling scam to take the televised commercial world by storm) or appearing in the form of some homoerotic display for censors to immediately face palm themselves with. And on the other end of this spectrum, you'll get the nerdy, elvish bookworms with bad complexions brought on by the massive intake of fast food (AKA: processed poison) and five second (not hour; it's a threshold thing, really) energy drinks that they consume just to engage in a burping contest (it's a pseudo intellectual thing); just a' waitin' for their new comic book superhero or latest sci-fi epic installment (i.e. this trailer).

What it all boils down to in the end is how much money you (the corporate conglomerate in question) can squeeze out of any one of these groups, isn't it? Never mind that the country's going to shit in a bucket and that racial and financial inequality exists, just give me some football and a little Leia in her slave girl costume action, and we're all set. Well, here's the thing folks... it may not work as well as it did anymore, before you all went ahead and released the long awaited prequel trilogy and gave us the running CGI gag that is/was Jar Jar. Maybe you might get away with the fact that live sets were being used this time instead of saturating it all with green screen technology, but let's face it... the magic is gone, or is bound to be, and you're only just postponing the inevitable. Stop jerking us off already, will ya please?

But again, I digress, for this post is not to insult most of our collective anticipations for this upcoming (and purported) blockbuster of a film (but I just know something is going to ruin it... be it the rumor that Han dying off in this one is true, or something far more deviously sinister than that). To tell you the truth, I don't even want to see it when it comes out in theaters. Mainly because a) I want to avoid spending money for something that I think would be really awesome to watch only to get disappointed by it (like I did with Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull); b) because it's a Disney (turn my head and spit) production; and c) because change frightens me... And no, I'm not saying that as a racial remark against John Boyega being a stormtrooper like a million other rednecks protested about; I mean that I hope Han Solo doesn't die, and if he does, I don't want to watch it. It's bad enough we had to see Starkiller do just that in a videogame!

Anyways, we'll just have to wait and see...In the meantime, I'd like to share with you this brilliant piece of footage that I just so happened to stumble across on the grand visual self flagellating technicolor dream of a medium hitherto known as YouTube. And that little gem of a spectacle is none other than this hilarious video mash up which is a cross between a Star Wars trailer fan reaction and an actual piece of movie footage (from hands down, the best dystopian sci-fi film of all time; Bladerunner). It's so genius, that I'm not even going to spoil it for you all, you'll just have to click on the video link below and view it for yourself. Kudos to VidGeo for this clip and "May the Farce Be With You!"

Like This Video? If So, Please Click on the Link Below...

This has been P.S. Elliott (Red 27 standing by) or Dr. Gonzo BR27 (I'm filed and monitored...) reporting for the disassociated press, that is... The Gnoyze Guitar Mods & More Web Blog.

And Now, A Word from Our Sponsors...