Thursday, August 24, 2017

Customer Disservice, Part IV

Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our regularly scheduled broadcast of the usual shit that manages to piss me off on a day-to-day basis to bring you the latest installment of what I previously assumed would be just a conclusion to an impromptu trilogy of grievances to bring you yet another chapter in my world of personal eBay customer dissatisfaction. The names of the participants and the parties involved, have changed; however... it's still the same exact cautionary tale of seller beware, folks! Mind, this piece has been sitting in draft mode for well over a year now. As a matter of fact, I have no idea when this occurred exactly since all these email exchanges were deleted from my eBay messages and judging by the Trump joke, this occurred way before the election. Also, if you're a right wing nut that thinks our current president is some sort of infallible god, then do me a favor and go fuck yourself! I'm only exercising my last shred of freedom of speech before the big name cable companies decide to censor it all in the form of slow internet lanes just to make a profit through their corporate lobbyists! My only reason for writing this is to find some sort of therapy through expression. Anyways... here's the rant, as it was originally intended to appear, minus some in hindsight commentary that needed a little brushing up...

So it all began about a week ago when I received an offer for $100 with a message that stated my offer is for $100 including shipping... which seemed a little bit odd to me, but I figured the buyer must have meant $100 plus the shipping fee, which was just a measly $13.95 for USPS priority shipping (as the rates have gone up) for a flat rate medium box and out of that amount there would have been an extra few bucks to cover the insurance which I would have had to add out of pocket because the estimated value of this package was beyond the $50 amount, or better put... the minimum $60 required by the post office to deem a package "insurable." So I thought nothing of this rather odd note attached to the best offer agreed to the buyer's offer, feeling pretty sure that this sale would go off without a hitch, but then I slowly but surely found myself on the receiving end of an idiotic argument that went nowhere. What follows is a transcript of what ensued between me and this eBay user, whom I shall refer to as MB, which stands for Mr. Balsac (which is meant to sound purposely a lot like ball sack); since well... he must have had a pretty swollen pair of them on during the execution of this deal that went nowhere and wound up being yet another in the long line of deadbeat payer instances that I've had to put up with on eBay. So, as per usual, here goes...! And also, keep an eye out for the play-by-play commentary in parentheses.

This was the message that proceeded my accepting of his $100 offer. Mind you, the product I'm selling was worth more than that, but I figured it would be a while before I came across a decent offer such as this one, so I went with it.

MB: My offer was and is $100.00 including shipping. I think that was misunderstood. I will still pay that for this item if you want to sell it for that. Thaynk You (Notice how these bastards can't type worth a shit, folks... but they sure make decisions to fuck up other people in less than a hummingbird's heartbeat).

PS: So now you're not going to pay because of the shipping rate which wasn't free to begin with? Why didn't you just make an offer for less than a hundred which would have added up to $100 even?!? (Of course, it dawned on me at this point that I was dealing with yet another usual eBay deadbeat; you know... the kind that don't like to respond to your emails right away? Which explains my next message.)

PS: Hey... are you still there? Or are you going to start playing the ignore the eBay messages game with me?

MB: I did, the first offer if you recheck it has a message that my offer includes shipping, obviously the message part of the first offer was not read.

PS: Right... exactly the same way that you missed the fact that I was not offering free shipping for this item, correct?

MB: There is only one reason I am even answering any of this ridiculousness,its because you are selling something that I thought I wanted. I changed my mind. I am not buying anything from a seller that has the time to waste on stupid comments , instead of what it takes to make a deal! (What? Is this fucker a game show host all of a sudden? The deal has been finalized... he's obligated to pay in case anybody's wondering. At this point, I reported the buyer using )

PS: Well, excuse me if I can't understand the vagueness in such a comment as that's $100 including shipping... which can be interpreted as $100 plus shipping, which isn't free, as I clearly stated in my item description. You could have offered me $86.05, which together with the $13.95 that I asked for would have come out to $100. But you know this already, and I see no reason in repeating myself... So stop playing games. People like you are what's wrong with eBay nowadays. You think you can go around taking a proverbial crap on all the rules and do whatever it is you feel like. Well, I've got news for you buddy... I'm not putting up with this anymore! Time and time again I keep running into eBayers like you that like to bid on or buy my stuff and then turn into instant deadbeats, because a) they're like the Donald Trumps of the world that like to give the illusion that they're millionaires, when in fact they can't even afford a pot to piss in or b) they're performance artists that dropped out of mime college and think they can get away with the silent treatment via email. My only hope is that eBay suspends your account... they'd be doing the rest of us a favor!

(And I just couldn't resist adding this picture of Dr. House (see below) as an attachment to this message, simply because I couldn't manage to find a Doctor Who meme with Peter Calpaldi stating: Are You an Idiot?)

MB: we'll see who ebay wants to suspend. You sound a little cranky like maybe your overdue for a diaper change,because everything about you and your bs sales approach,sure makes you sound like a whining baby.Frankly, I could give a shit what your tired of, I am tired too, of getting messages that exemplify your idiocy.Vague Statement, I am making an offer for your auction of $100 including shipping. That doesn't sound to vague, but you sure sound like an asshole (This message, by the way strayed from the other series of back and forth since it wasn't a direct reply... I'm only including it here for continuity purposes only. Of course, I immediately reported this buyer at this point for his lack of respect)

MB: Did you miss the fact that there was never any offer accepted, as you chose to not read the original offer in it's entirety. So, this entire immature rude dialogue that you chose to create in your mind will now be deleted, as will you from ebay. Your message regarding "Donald Trump" and "Mime College" and "pot to Piss IN" will be used after you are deleted from ebay as the what to do if your that immature, far to immature too sell anything on ebay any longer. (Never any offer accepted? Now I know for a fact that this guy hails from the same Bizarro World where Donald, or Scrooge McFuck is actually a President!)

(Author's postscript: And little did I know, that I'd actually find myself living in that alternate universe!!!)

PS: You're... not your. (I just couldn't resist missing the opportunity to play a game of Grammar Nazi with this dumb fuck at this point).

PS: And furthermore... you also got both instances of the word to and too confused with one another. Also... never any offer accepted? Hello? What planet are you living on? When you make an offer and I accept... that's a done deal. You're now obliged to pay the total amount for the offer you sent me plus the shipping fees, which I've clearly stated time and time again you overlooked. I do not offer free shipping. If you wanted to make this work, you should have sent me an offer of $86.05, which together with the $13.95 shipping fee that was clearly stated in the description, that would have come out to $100 exactly and we wouldn't be having this long winded back and forth discussion, which is as pointless as your argument and assumption that there wasn't any offer accepted. You know there's a Murphy's Law out there that I find very fitting to this situation. It goes something like this: "Never argue with a fool, people will notice..." Of course, if you want to keep playing the fool, by all meas (Damn it! I just realized I made a typo... I meant to write means here of course)... please continue!

MB: Ebay appreciates you adding another paragraph of BS, to add to the other one's you sent on their "what to do to get suspended from Ebay" Blog.

PS: Are you going to pay the $113.95 you owe me or not? (At this point, I just wanted to get him to admit to the fact that he wasn't going to pay up just so that it would wind up in writing and on eBay's record... even if the unpaid buyer case was opened and all)

MB: You are so stupid and ignorant, I wont mention your other personality flaws, these messages you sent me being posted in a public format will end up costing you and your attitude more money and by letting the world know how much of an ahole you demonstrated yourself to be,you will be paying for a long time when you keep having to relist auctions that do not get bidding, or offers any longer. Time will tell, unfortunately for you, HIV doesn't allow you to live long enough to get the entire payback you deserve you sc bag!

PS: Right, you go ahead and post those in a public forum, and I'll sue you for liable. (And there's another typo that I realized shortly after the fact!) How's that sound? It's not my fault that you don't know how to purchase items via best offers on eBay accordingly. In the future, here's a tip; send a message first to a seller before you decide to insult them with your proposed final offer price before actually submitting the best offer itself, which you're obligated to pay plus shipping. You know, like what we've just gone through here... the very same one you gladly overlooked and then got all pissy about just to get all parties involved in a long winded back and forth equivalent to a social experiment gone wrong for no apparent reason whatsoever. There's just no point to this discussion really... since you want to play by your own set of rules; which are utterly wrong to begin with. Some people are convinced that the color of the sky is green and there's no telling them otherwise. So do yourself a favor here and stop being a cry baby and move on. It's not my fault that you took it upon yourself to basically earn an unpaid item dispute against your profile is it? Matter of fact, I'm done with you... all I hope is that you come across an eBay buyer who has behaved as childishly and as annoying as you have here with me, just so you know what it feels like. You know, it's bad enough that I'm unemployed and living off of this worldwide online garage sale just so that I can earn enough to get by whilst attending to near and dear family member that's undergoing (this part has been intentionally omitted by the author, whom just realized that this blog piece rant has gotten just a wee bit too personal and very real); but no... I actually have to subject myself to be putting up with a barrage of insults coming from a sadly misinformed eBay buyer (for lack of a better word) that believes that sending someone a message beforehand as to what they're going to pay is the same as sending them a best offer price with a shipping rate applied. I mean, what planet are you living on? There are rules here. Abide by them. That's why they're there in the first place!

I believe I received one more nasty little message from this human split end of a pubic hair after the fact, which just consisted of the usual whining calling me an idiot and blah, blah, blah... frankly, I'm not even concerned about it anymore, but at least I've managed to complete this draft and the rest is history. Now it's just a matter of time before the powers that be decide to censor this post, to which I say... bring it on, bitches!

This has been Dr. Gonzo XXVII (or P.S. Elliott, for short...) reporting for the disassociated blog that is The Gnoyze Guitar Mods & More Web Blog.

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